Picture a charming fantasy cafe, one that a child’s doll house might look like, plush velvet couches, pristine white furniture, and adorable treats on the menu.
Included on the menu are waffles. These waffles were very unique in their almost too-perfect gleam looking almost porcelain and fitting with the overall theme of this establishment, Veronica noted. She took a few slow and measured bites assessing this waffle because of it’s unusual appearance. This waffle was what Veronica would describe as “cakey”.
“Cakey” is not a quality that Veronica looks for in a waffle. Light, airy, crisp, and so forth are generally the qualities she seeks. It’s important to note that this dense waffle tasted quite good, sweet but not too sweet, and was served beautifully with plenty of butter, syrup, and a helping of whipped cream.
This waffle gets a nod for creativity and distinct style in a world of waffle homogeneity. Despite it’s one-of-a-kind qualities the rating that appears below is due to it’s consistency being less than desirable and lack of warm crispy outer waffle according to Veronica’s rubric.
Veronica visited her sister, Even More Fun Time Douglas (a.k.a Arelasaurus), in Calgary. Arelasaurus is a real solid big sister and she did waffle recon and based on proximity to her workplace and availability. She chose a place with “Waffle” in the name, “Sweet Life Waffles and Crepes”. The sisters embarked with enthusiasm because surely a place with waffle in the name means they are committed to the waffle and take it seriously? Not so! Veronica does not hold Arelasaurus responsible. Her recon was solid. The sisters ordered the “Regular Joe” waffle and the Council will let Veronica take it from here:
Warning! Explicit Content: extreme disappointment and strong language
“What the fuck man!? With waffle in the name there are certain simple expectations. This waffle was too soft, not even warm–let alone hot–when it was served, and there was no butter. No butter? No butter in the entire establishment? Reheated but still cold waffle? A fucking faux pas. Even the bonus of real maple syrup couldn’t help this shitty waffle with crumbly texture.”
Arelasaurus’s note, “The bacon was excellent” and Veronica agreed, though bitterly and added, “Maybe the crepes are more their steez.”
Place: IHOP, The International House of Pancakes, on Gateway Blvd/Calgary Trail
The Council recognizes the guest Waffler: Pete the Patient Pirate. Bill and Veronica were joined by Pete to attend the International House of Pancakes after Google reconnaissance revealed that there was indeed a Belgian waffle on this pancake house menu.
Three coffees, three waffles, and the traditional side of bacon were ordered and the council began their noble task. On every table the International House of Pancakes provides a stainless steel carafe of coffee and four types of syrup; included are an old fashioned syrup, blueberry syrup, raspberry syrup, and a butter pecan syrup. Veronica utilized the four quadrants of the round waffle to sample each type of syrup with butter. Both Veronica and Bill noted that IHOP was stingy on the butter portions though Pete countered stating that it was a satisfactory helping of butter. Veronica was particularly critical of these waffles, more critical than Bill even. She reported that the blueberry and raspberry syrups were no good and too sickly sweet and the old-fashioned and butter pecan were O.K. She noted that the biggest failure of this waffle was that is was unevenly cooked. Critical Bill noted that the bacon was excellent value but the carafe supplied coffee was wildly over priced considering its stale drip coffee taste.
Critical Bill and Pete the Patient Pirate: 3.5/5
And now a message from Mitch Hedberg about pancakes: